It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
