he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
