just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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