Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize