I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
