Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
