I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
smell my finger.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
