Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
