sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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