He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
