I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
