shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Everything about him screamed your future.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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