I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
