PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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