u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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