Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
