I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
