I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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