ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
There's always time for handjobs
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
