garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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