forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
