my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
