I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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