Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
