So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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