I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize