Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
