Pants 0. Shit 1.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
