so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
