He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
