My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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