At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
