FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
