they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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