"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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