note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Dick very happy bro
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
