was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
