I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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