he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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