the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
