They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
