I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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