i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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