I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
