i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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