just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
this is an emotional support booty call
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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