He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
