for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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