What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
