Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
