he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
